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Now in our eleventh calendar year!
PCR #516 (Vol. 11, No. 7). This edition is for the week of February 8--14, 2010.

MOVIE REVIEW
"The Wolfman"  by Mike Smith
RETRORAMA
Tales for Another Day: Night of the Badfinger  by ED Tucker
GROWING UP FANBOY
Comic Book Craze Part 2: From DC to Dark Horse  by Chris Woods
FANGRRL
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover  by Lisa Scherer
THE ASIAN APERTURE
Japanese Directors: Then and Now  by Jason Fetters
LAMPIN' @ THE 6TH BOROUGH
Valentine's Day Massacre!  by John Miller
MIKE'S RANT
Congrats! .... Movie Notes .... And One From Music .... Welcome To Kansas City .... .... .... .... .... Mike's Record Shelf o  by Mike Smith
FANGRRL by Lisa Scherer

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

All the Valentine's Day hype makes me want to scream bloody murder.

I’m not falling for the chocolate-covered consumerist propaganda pushed by the greeting card, jewelry, candy and floral delivery industries. Valentine's Day isn't about romance, candlelight and lingerie. February 14th isn't designed for dinner, dancing and diamonds. There's no "happily ever after" following the swell of music and the end credits.

My years spent camped out on the sofa in my pajamas watching movies have not been wasted. Thanks to what I’ve seen on the silver screen, I know that love and romance and Valentine's Day are nothing but trouble. They’re the gateway drugs that lead you down the path to heartbreak, loneliness, misery, obsession, murder, revenge and madness. (I also know not to hang out in a mine around Valentine’s Day. That Harry Warden guy is a total buzz kill.)

I had toyed with the idea of doing a list of cinematic castration scenes, but oddly enough, another PCR columnist beat me to it. (Note to John Miller: payback’s a bitch.) So instead, I give you 50 ways to leave your lover:


1. Try to run her over and then blame it on your crazy, evil car. (Christine, 1983)

2. Shoot him. (The Letter, 1940)

3. Push her off a roof. (The Money Trap, 1965)

4. Have a nervous breakdown, kill him, and then wander the streets in a catatonic state. (Possessed, 1947)

5. Dump him while sitting his car, and then give him a pen. (Say Anything, 1989)

6. Poison his favorite food. (Black Widow, 1987)

7. Stress him out so much that he has a heart attack. (The Little Foxes, 1941)

8. Throw scalding coffee in her face and then shoot her. (The Big Heat, 1953)

9. Beat her to death. (The Man in Gray, 1943)

10. Lock him in the garage and leave the car engine running. (They Drive By Night, 1940)

11. Leave him at the altar. (The Graduate, 1960)

12. Stab her with an ice pick after she turns down your proposal. (Scarlet Street, 1945)

13. Steal $40,000 from him and run off to Mexico. (Out of the Past, 1947)

14. Push him down an oil well. (Blowing Wild, 1953)

15. Leave her to rot inside an “iron maiden” torture device. (The Pit and the Pendulum, 1960)

16. Chop him up with an axe. (Strait-Jacket, 1964)

17. Turn her into the police for her crimes. (The Maltese Falcon, 1941)

18. Burn her with acid, then electrocute her, then remove her heart and keep it in an urn. (The Faceless Monster, 1965)

19. Use black magic to get someone else to kill him. (Burn, Witch, Burn, 1961)

20. Strangle her while she’s giving birth. (The Brood, 1979)

21. Try to drive her crazy and make her have a nervous breakdown. (Gaslight, 1944; Midnight Lace, 1960; Night Watch, 1973)

22. Fake your own death and send him to jail. (Body Heat, 1981)

23. Stab him with a grappling hook. (Picture Mommy Dead, 1966)

24. Have your circus-freak friends turn her into an abhorrent “chicken-woman”. (Freaks, 1932)

25. Smash him with a hammer and then bottle up the pieces. (Vault of Horror, 1973)

26. Kill him and make it look like a suicide. (Bordertown, 1934)

27. Inject her with insulin to put her in a permanent coma. (Reversal of Fortune, 1990)

28. Strangle her and then thrown yourself down Niagara Falls. (Niagara, 1953)

29. Hit him over the head with a champagne bottle. (One Girl’s Confession, 1953)

30. Replace her with a “perfect” robotic replica. (The Stepford Wives, 1975)

31. Hire someone to break into your apartment while you’re away, kill her and make it look like a home invasion gone wrong. (Dial M For Murder, 1954)

32. Break up with him and then have all memories of him erased from your mind. (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 2004)

33. Throw a knife at her throat while she’s shooting at you. (Prizzi’s Honor, 1985)

34. Smother and stab her in bed. (Looking For Mr. Goodbar, 1977)

35. Slash him with a scalpel. (Sisters, 1973)

36. Tell her you don’t give a damn as you walk out the door. (Gone With The Wind, 1939)

37. Get your team of assassins to crash her wedding and gun everyone down. (Kill Bill, 2003)

38. Sadistically torture him. (Audition, 1999)

39. Beat him with a fireplace poker. (Marnie, 1964)

40. Stab her with a camera tripod. (Peeping Tom, 1960)

41. Cheat on him and then give him a detailed description of the affair. (Closer, 2004)

42. Eviscerate him. (Jennifer’s Body, 2009)

43. Break her neck. (Day of the Jackal, 1970)

44. Fake your own death, alter your appearance, change your name and move to a different state. (Sleeping with the Enemy, 1991)

45. Divorce her, fight over the house, and then kill each other so that no one wins. (The War of the Roses, 1989)

46. Stab her in the stomach while you’re strung out on heroin. (Sid and Nancy, 1986)

47. Compare your relationship to that of Sid and Nancy (with him being Nancy) and dump him while you’re eating pancakes. (500 Days of Summer, 2009)

48. Set him up to take the fall on rape and murder charges, and skip town with all the money. (The Last Seduction, 1994)

49. Bury her alive. (The Horrible Dr. Hitchcock, 1962)

50. Get a stranger to kill her for you. (Strangers on a Train, 1951)


Happy Valentine's Day!! XOXOXO


"FANGRRL" is ©2010 by Lisa Scherer.   All graphics, except where otherwise noted, are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2010 by Nolan B. Canova.