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Nolan's Newsstand
Tampa, Florida
My personal headlines and those of the crazed fan community!
All the news I print in fits!  A newsletter and magazine in one.
                     Publisher and Editor, Nolan B. Canova
Vol. 1, No. 10     This edition is for the week of May 22--28, 2000
Fox Sunday, X-Files Finale a mixed bag
  For some reason, the whole Fox Sunday night line-up of season finales (5-21-00) left me a little...unsatisfied. Except for some X-Files action. But I'm still turning even that one over and over....
  I'm not a big country fan, so the star-studded "King of the Hill" was a lot of background noise. I kind of liked the gag that Randy Travis ripped off one of Peggy's songs as used it as his own, like nothing happened; and Hank's defending him.
  The Simpsons, I figured, would bowl me over with that "Behind the Laughter" quasi-VH1 send-up.  It wasn't their worst episode, but it was very predictable.
  I routinely ignore the over-rated "Malcolm in the Middle", but I watched it this time because it was a season-ender. The family, sans Dewey, go on vacation to a water park.  The two siblings get into trouble and drive mom crazy. Dewey's at home with baby-sitter Bea Arthur ("Maude") and bored to tears, until they find they both like button collections (!). Babysitter apparently has a heart attack (or something) because we see an ambulance pull away from the main house in a cutaway shot. Dewey is distracted by a toy balloon and chases it down the street. He winds up lost in downtown and therefore has set up the series of "where's Dewey" episodes. Is this exciting stuff, or what?
  The X-Files. Some characters from episode 1 (yes, THE episode 1) contact Mulder and Scully with concerns that abductions are happening to them again.  Not to mention that a large UFO has just collided with an airplane, sending both vehicles crashing into the nearby woods.
  A very cool effect happens when the two boys first investigate the strange goings-on in the woods. Well, first the sheriff/detective is there and appears totally uninterested in the whole thing, and tries to deter the boys from looking further; but that's not the effect. The effect happens when one of them wanders off alone and happens upon the "UFO cloaking field" which renders the object invisible: when it's bumped into, the person is lifted off the ground and shaken beyond belief in one of those too-fast-to-be-a-stunt-must-be-an-undercranked-camera-thingy.
  The investigation goes on. In a sort of running gag, an auditor is trying to understand why the FBI should continue funding another year of X-Files investigations into the paranormal.  Some kind of cost/benefit study. The auditor is clearly humorless and not amused by Mulder or Scully's accounts of "near-miss" resolutions.
  Fan favorite Alex Krycek is released from a Turkish(?) prison on orders of the Cigarette-Smoking Man. He is brought before him back in America. And here folks, I just gasped at the audacity of the producers.
  CSM is in a wheelchair, evidently dying of cancer (or something). He is made-up to look much older and very sick. But the gag, the unsettling vision before us is: he has had his larynx removed (I guess) and is SMOKING THRU A HOLE IN HIS THROAT!!! Got a raspy voice and everything.
  Well, I nearly fell out of my chair.  He goes on to tell Krycek of his plans to renew "the conspiracy" and foment an alien invasion. Krycek is not enthused and sets about executing his own agenda.  He winds up pushing the CSM out of his wheelchair and down a flight of stairs!! There's a woman present during all this and I can't remember her relevance, except she's usually present during these pivotal episodes.
  Now the coup de grace.  And there's a couple of them.
  While A. D. Skinner and Mulder are back out in the woods looking for the craft they know is there, Mulder falls into that "field trap" thingy and is shaken-not-stirred and abducted!  Skinner's attention was distracted just long enough for this to occur.
  Scully--who was shaken violently earlier by the same field, but NOT abducted--is resting in a hospital convinced it was Mulder the aliens wanted the whole time. Skinner comes in to confess his guilt--that he felt so inadequate during Mulder's abduction--to the point of crying to Scully (you gotta see that to believe it) about it.
  Here's the second coup de grace. Scully's crying, but for a different reason: she tells Skinner she's PREGNANT!!! Fade out.
Footnotes, short notes, and addendums
  My friend Lisa Zubek, from Orlando, Florida, took me to task for "dissing" Malcolm in the Middle.  So, in all fairness, I should clarify I have a short patience with family-oriented sitcoms or dramedies (save for cartoons).  If one has a family like Malcolm's, one can identify more with the show than I possibly can, and therefore appreciate the situations.  To me, they're all about the same.  But, this is what the newsletter is all about. Fans debating fans!  Next time, I'll encourage her to write me an angry letter, rather than call!
  Another friend, fantasy author Julianne Draper, was not at all impressed with the shaking-too-violently-it-must-be-aliens effect from the X-Files. An excerpt from a private email (5-23-00), used with permission:
 "I hated that 'shaking up' effect. It was so comedic, it was dull, lame, stupid, and not at all effective.  As for CSM smoking through a hole in his throat, sad but true, there are people in this condition who smoke like that. ::sigh::
  Sorely disappointed with Chris Carter. The paper reports David Duchovny is going to be missing for the next 11 episodes; meanwhile, Scully gets a new partner. :p Well, Scully's baby will make it worth checking out."
  Readers, Nolan here again.  Just after I finished the above footnote from Lisa (5-22-00), it came to my attention that we have lost another legendary actor:  Sir John Gielgud, dead at the age of 96.  He will be sorely missed. Regular columninst Mike Smith was good enough to put together a list of the good sir's accomplishments. I'm grateful to Mike for taking the trouble. Read the story in Commentary.
All contents this page are 2000 by Nolan B. Canova
Letters and Commentary, including "Mike's Rant" and "Matt's Rail".


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