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PCR #99. (Vol. 3, No. 7) This edition is for the week of February 11--17, 2002.
Matt's Rail

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"Never assume the person you're dealing with has the same capacity for intellectual thought"
   or
"Don't bring a knife to a gun fight"

Here we go again. The Buccaneer Coaching Vacancy Carousel is on the move. And much like a carousel, travels many miles without going anywhere.

The Bill Parcell's issue is well known (him balking and the subsequent losing of the Steve Spurrier sweepstakes), as is the way Tony Dungy was thanked for turning the Bucs into winners (he was fired). Then came Jon Gruden, current coach of the Raiders, whom the Bucs were trying to work on a compensation deal for, only to have Managing GM Al Davis squash the deal because he wanted Warren Sapp, a kazillion dollars, and every #1 draft pick the Bucs have till the next Millenium. It seems Davis is under the impression many are....that the Bucs are owned by Larry, Moe and Curly. Because you'd have to be a stooge to give up that much. Davis' genius means he's screwed himself, as Gruden's contract ends after next season so Al will get nothing for him at all. Hell....he could be a Glazer!!!

Heckle and Jeckle
Brian and Joel Glazer contemplate their next move
Oh yeah....and let's not forget Marvin Lewis, Defensive Coordinator of the Baltimore Ravens (who have finished 1st in defense the last 3 years).  In order for him to be head coach, the Bucs wanted to have a hand in hiring his offensive staff. No problemo, said Marvin, and the collection of coaching talent began.  This is not uncommon in the NFL when a new coach comes along, where a staff is put in place contingent on the hiring of that coach. So what happened that last night when Lewis met with the Glazer boys? When everything was supposed to be finalized? They balked, and said, "Sorry, you're not our guy either"!!!

These people are obviously challenged at the art of diplomacy. Since they appear to be so clueless, let ol'Matt help them out. 

1.  When firing the only winning head coach in your franchise's history, have the decency to let him know about it....at least before Chris Mortenson of ESPN can broadcast it to the nation (this is how Dungy found out)
2.   Never....EVER....trust Bill Parcells on anything.   EVER.
3.  Buc fans have experience with stupid ownership decisions...so don't piss them off, or they'll start keeping their money in their banks instead of yours.
4.  When you "fly by the seat of your pants", you end up upside down.
5.  Conscious thought requires thought in a conscious state of mind.
6.  When you have Rich McKay as your GM, get the hell out of the way and let him do his job....he's only known throughout the planet as one of the NFL's best.
7.  Take heed of #6.
8.  Before talking to the media, have some idea what youre going to say. Don't just show up and wing it like last time, when people like myself thought a cable glitch was giving them TOONTIME instead of Sportscenter.
9.  Come clean with the fact that you really aren't Brian and Joel Glazer....but none other than that comic duo, Heckle and Jeckle . ......and lastly...but MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.........
10. Before making crucial final decisions,  HAVE A PLAN!!!!!!!!!  This is generally an excellent idea.

I'm sure we can all take comfort in the fact that the Glazers really don't give a crap about anybody but themselves. But they should think about this...... The only reason I kept buying Buc tickets when they were losing year after year after year was because I believed Culverhouse was truly TRYING to field a winner. Sure, now we know different, but that's inconsequential. The reality is that I THOUGHT he was trying to. If I had thought he was a stupified moronic buffoon who's only true talent was making stupid statements and being, on national television,  an idiot, I wouldn't have spent one dime! They sucked anyway...but most fans feel that true effort deserves true loyalty.  Only time will tell which way the fanbase number will go.......but if things keep up like this, we'll only need to look at history to find out.

Well, gotta run, so till next time........
Take care and God bless,
Matthew


"Matt's Rail" is ©2002 by Matthew Drinnenberg. Webpage design and all graphics herein are creations of Nolan B. Canova. All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review is ©2002 by Nolan B. Canova.