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THIS WEEK'S MOVIE REVIEWS "Freddy vs Jason" by Mike Smith "Jeepers Creepers 2" by Mike Smith

COUCH POTATO CONFESSIONS Couch Potato Fall TV Preview by Vinnie B.

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The adventures of a boy and his personal video recorder.

Couch Potato Fall TV Preview
This fall the televesion networks have an ambitious line up of new shows that feature quite a few big name stars. Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe, Jon Cryer, Whoppi, and Alicia Silverstone to name a few. We'll have to wait until the dust settles in December to see who is left standing, or if its back to more reality TV.

While I haven't seen any of the new shows yet, here are some predictions:

First shows to bite the dust:
"Whoopi" (Tuesdays 8pm, NBC): another washed up comic actress tries to revive her career. I predict this show to go the way of Bette. Sayonara.

"The Mullets" (UPN Tuesdays 9:30): a show about the Mullet family who get mullet hairstyles, starring Loni Anderson. 'Nuff said.

"Skin" (Mondays, 9pm, Fox), a primetime soap about a porn king. Yawn!

"Rock Me Baby" (Tuesdays 9pm UPN): I got just two words for ya, Dan Cortese.

Sure Fire Hits:
"Two and a Half Men" (Mondays 9:30pm CBS): Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and a cute kid, what more could you want?

"The Lyon's Den" (Sundays 10pm NBC): A sure-fire formula that has yet to run its course, a law show starring Rob (I'm not Charlie Sheen) Lowe.

"Navy NCIS" (Tuesdays 8pm CBS): see comment above, this time starring Mark Harmon in a "Jag" spin off.

Too Much for TV?:
"Joan of Arcadia" (Fridays 8pm CBS): A story about a modern day Joan of Arc who talks to God may be just too much for the American television audience.

"A Minute with Stan Hooper" (Weds. 8:30pm Fox): Personally I love the dry wit of Norm Macdonald, but don't know if the American prime-time audience is ready for him. On the plus side this sitcom also stars Penelope Ann Millar.

"Tru Calling" (Thurs. 8pm Fox), this supernatural thriller starring Eliza Dushku has certainly aroused my interest. Look for an in-depth review in a later column.

Isn't His Fifteen Minutes Up Yet? The prolific David E. Kelley returns with another new series with a title that's way too long, "The Brotherhood of Poland New Hampshire" (Weds. 10pm CBS). This guy has to burn out sooner or later, hopefully sooner.

Surprise Hits: Both of my surprise hits come from NBC. The British import "Coupling" (Thursday 9:30pm) is for all the people who don't get HBO and can't watch "Sex and the City". Plus it stars Rena Sofer and is on Thursday night, NBC's stronghold.

My other surprise hit is "Miss Match" with Alicia Silverstone. A weak Friday night time slot will help this show crunch the competition.

You may notice there are no ABC shows listed. There new lineup lacked any punch at all with an "Alias" ripoff, "Karen Sisco" and a new sitcom, "Hope and Faith" starring Kelly Ripa and Faith Ford looking like their best efforts. More yawns from me.

Of course Couch Potato is far from the average viewing audience. I've been waiting for Neilson to give me a ratings box for years, but it will be fun to revisit these predictions in a few months from now.