LA FLORIDIANA The Civil War Ghosts That Roam Key West by Will Moriaty

THIS WEEK'S MOVIE REVIEW "Mystic River" by Mike Smith

COUCH POTATO Beer Guzzling, Fried Food Eatin’, SUV drivin’ Nirvana  by Vinnie Blesi

CREATURE'S CORNER Terry Schiavo....Roy Horn and Montecore by John Lewis

MIKE'S RANT From This Week's Editorial....Check The Alleys of London....Fields of Greed....Do the Bartman....Bob Zemeckis and Nostradamus....Ahoy Mateys!....On Broadway  by Mike Smith

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The adventures of a boy and his personal video recorder.

Beer Guzzling, Fried Food Eatin’, SUV drivin’ Nirvana

Ever since I got a Tivo digital recorder last year I hardly ever watch live TV. I usually record what I want to watch and fast forward through the commercials. However, after watching the commercials during a recent live Monday Night Football game I received an epiphany that made me realize I am missing out on the American dream. After all it was during Football, America’s favorite pastime (or is that Baseball? or is that porn on the Internet?).

First off we have the official beer of the NFL. What’s next? “Heroin, the official drug of the NFL”. For a league that just fined Warren Sapp for trash talking, the message is clear, “Shut up and slam another 20 ouncer”. Just make sure it is the “Official Beer of the NFL”. Although legal, alcohol is still a drug, and the NFL has tainted itself in my eyes by selling out for a Beer sponsorship. BTW, when do we get to have sex with the twins?

Then we have a man singing, “I’m in Heaven”, because he is eating some greasy fried chicken strips. If it was this easy to get into Heaven, I wish someone would have told me a long time ago.

Finally, does anyone remember when car and truck commercials used to focus on the features of the vehicles (rich Corinthian leather)? Now they are these high tech music videos which show orgasmic people driving their wonderful shiny new automobiles. I guess I have been buying all the wrong cars because I have yet to be that blissful from just driving my car (though I have been blissful in a car, but that is another story). Now there may be pleasure in driving a classic car, but most modern cars are pretty generic when you place them side by side.

So now I can consider my life complete as I have found the holy Monday Night Football trinity of beer guzzlin’, fried food chompin’, and orgasmic vehicle drivin’.