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Now in our sixth calendar year
PCR #290  (Vol. 6, No. 41)  This edition is for the week of October 10--16, 2005.

Haunted Pinellas, Part 2
 by William Moriaty and Lisa Clardy
"A History of Violence"
 by Mike Smith
My Life in the "Church"
 by Dylan Jones
Alice Cooper
 by Terence Nuzum
Echo and the Bunnymen Return From Siberia....Stellastarr* Harmonizes With Copy Protection....John Peel Day....Paper or Plastic Medicine?
 by Vinnie Blesi
Welcome Back....Are You Kidding Me?...Movie Notes....God I Hate Her....Thanks....Call Him KashYYYK/American....Where's The WB Frog?...The Answer Is....You're Out....Passing On....Jaws: The Story, Part 37
 by Mike Smith
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Dylan Jones

My Life in the "Church"  by Reverend Dylan Jones (aka, The Drow)

Hello again, my children, I am here to tell you all about a website you may have heard of but Nolan told me no one ever wrote an article about. Now some of you who actually know me may question the Reverend title, well, I shall answer that question soon enough. But right now I must ask; What path do you take? What religion do you follow? Do you believe in anything at all?

I remember when I was younger, I believed in Angels and Demons but did not believe in "God"... Now I really don't know what to believe in... I'm not an atheist, I do believe there is something out there, something that did make us, even if it just made the single-cell organisms we evolved from. I have never fully read the Bible, I hear it's a "good book", ha-ha, but I just can't sit down and read it. I do believe in the elementals, Earth, Fire, Air, Water, and also Time, Void, Ice, Lightning, Ather/Sprit and any else I can't remember. I am a child of Air, Mother Air comforts me, embraces me, protects me.

But I am getting away from the point of this article; The website I was talking about is The Universal Life Church. (http://www.ulc.org) I found about this website a few years ago and thought nothing of it really, but a few days ago I re-found it. The premise is simple. The Universal Life Church has only two tenets (beliefs/doctrine):

  • To promote freedom of religion and
  • To do that which is right.

    It is the responsibility of the individual to determine what is right as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others and is within the law. You just go to the site, click INSTANT ORDINATION, enter some info and *POOF* you are now an ordained minister/reverend! They even give you a nice certificate to print out. After that you have all the power in the world! Well, not really, but still you can...

  • Perform marriages within any US state, following the rules laid out by the state in which you wish to perform said marriage.
  • Perform funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual you wish to perform, except circumcision.
  • Start a church of your own, be it a bricks and mortar building or on the internet.
  • Absolve others of their sins as you have been absolved of yours.
  • Perform an EXORCISM.

    Sweet huh? I know what your thinking, "This has to be fake." But it's not! Look here, Court Decisions Regarding the ULC and Religion:

    CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION, OR PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREOF: OR ABRIDGING THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH, OR OF THE PRESS; OR THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PEACEABLY TO ASSEMBLE, AND TO PETITION THE GOVERNMENT FOR A REDRESS OF GRIEVANCES. "If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that NO official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein, If there are ANY circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us."

    It's all good and legit. Anyway, now you know why I can call myself Reverend. I shall leave you all now with a "blessing": "May you find your place among the stars and bless the one who lives for today."

    The Drow

    "The Drow" is ©2005 by the Reverend Dylan Jones.   All graphics, unless otherwise noted, are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2005 by Nolan B. Canova.