LA FLORIDIANA Florida's Gardens Up Front and Personal -- Part Two by Will Moriaty

THIS WEEK'S MOVIE REVIEW "Matchstick Men"  by Mike Smith

COUCH POTATO Update on Sci-Fi Hunks and Babes....Whoops, It's Whoopi!....Happy Family  by Vinnie Blesi

ASHLEY'S HOLLYWOOD Notable Passings and Child Stars  by Ashley Lewis

CREATURE'S CORNER Freddy vs Jason....Monsturd....JLA/ Avengers #1....the last "Pillars"?  by John Lewis

MIKE'S RANT Not Yet....Save Me A Spot In The Dandelion Patch....Monkey See, Monkey Do....Cutting Out The Middle Man....Happy Birthday....Top 10 '60s Albums....Send Lawyers, Guns And Money  by Mike Smith

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HELLO EVERYONE:
Your friendly neighborhood "Creature" here. I was tidying up the "castle" with some of the more permanent residents (you know; ghosts, disembodied spirits, poltergeeks (oops, sorry, poltergeists, groaning apparitions, howling phantoms, etc, etc...) and I realized I left some unfinished subjects that I wanted to talk about before going into "Hollywood, Horrorwood".

Freddy vs Jason
YES, I did go to see Freddy vs. Jason and I liked it. It started out a little slow but once it found it's pace it flowed very smoothly (as did the blood, guts, and gor). It was great watching these two EIGHTIES Horror Icons battle it out. Freddy was his usual wise-cracking self and Jason was, well, you know, he was Jason at his machete-wielding best. Pity the poor, unsuspecting actors that got in their way, or should I have called them, Cannon Fodder.

Anyway, I give this long-awaited classic a full THREE SCREAMS on the "Creature" scale. While not the best horror movie in history (though it did pull in a pretty penny at the box office so far) it succeeded on all the levels it was supposed to and thats why it was given the three screams. I expected more buzz around here about this movie after the endless tirades over Jason X. Everyone must still be exhausted after the last bout. Remember Friday the Thirteenth Part 87: Jason vs. Godzilla. Short, sweet, and to the point, I'll be there. Sh, sh, sh, sh...Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah.

Monsturd
Another film that I've seen in the last couple weeks which I don't know was a good idea or not was Monsturd. From out of the bathroom and into your living room comes a film starring the product of every person's normal bodily function. In all fairness the movie is listed as comedy/horror. A criminal is exposed to the toxic waste disposed of (in plain daylight and in the middle of a residential neighborhood) by a chemical company in the area. The "stuff" ends up in the city's underground sewer system.

Enter one escaped criminal who flees into the sewer system to elude authorities. He ends up exposed to the strange substance and is eaten away, leaving only his skeletal remains. He is then miraculously reformed as an evil version of Mr, Hanky. The movie then quickly rolls downhill from there with a series of messy murders and a several minute long barf scene. Though there are some funny scenes in this movie it is largely a piece of crap (no pun intended). Suffice it to say that I give it One weak scream on the "Creature" scale for the obvious effort that was put into making it. I will say, however, the song during the ending credits is both witty and very funny and worth giving a listen to.

Look for this movie in the dairy section of your favorite grocer.

Comics:  JLA/Avengers #1
Next up, I can't believe it..............after what seemed like an eternity the comic event of the last twenty years has finally seen the light of day. Yep, you got it: "JLA/ Avengers #1" finally hit the stands last week. What makes this such a blockbuster is the fact that it is drawn by none other than George Perez, the master of including scads of heroes together in a single panel and making it look good. This is a joint venture from DC and Marvel with Marvel handling issues one and three while DC handles #'s two and four. They have been "teasing" this book for over a year and it has been worth the wait. The creative team consists of Kurt Busiek (writer), George Perez (artist), and Tom Smith (colorist). This book is good so I won't give away any Spoilers. Just run out and get one or two before they're all gone.

Another hotly-anticipated arrival to the shelves of your local comic book store's shelves is Crossgens "El Cazador." This gritting tale of High Seas adventure is helmed by Chuck Dixon, Steve Epting, Frank D'armata, and Dave Lanphear. This book should receive a fair bit of attention coming hot off the heels of Pirates Of The Carribbean.

Who said comics are no fun anymore. Why do you think PCR has two people writing about them?!?!?!?!?

The last "Pillars"?
I got four personal e-mails concerning "Hollywood, Horrorwood" (a series documenting the writing of "Pillars of Fire" from book to movie) and none of them were good. (Hey, at least you people are reading all this. Thanx!) I looked back over what I had written and it was beginning to look like I was going to go into a bragging session. Well, I wasn't. To make a long story short, I was dragged through the coals on this project for two years only to end up back at square one. Was I depressed? Nah! Not this "Creature." So, there you have it. The short and sweet version without all the symbolism and evil connotations.

Next week: Jeeper's Creepers 2 and other weirdness. Remember, you have been warned.

Anyway, have a great week! C-Ya!!!!!!!!!!