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PCR #167  (Vol. 4, No. 23)  This edition is for the week of June 2--8, 2003.
La Floridiana by Will Moriaty
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Don't Get Fooled, Fleeced and Flimflammed in Florida -- Part 2

Foreword: In last week's issue, the catastrophe's potential was left simmering as the first signs of trouble rose on the horizon. We now pick up where we left off as the plot thickens. Please keep in mind that all parties' proper names have been altered because of an ongoing investigation, and Will's use of humorous pseudonyms is by no means meant to downplay the seriousness of this tragic tale. --Nolan

An initial investment of $140,000.00 went into the FeePhyFoeMeds, Inc. account in January 2001. The investment initially seemed to be on the level as we were receiving our 12.5% quarterly dividends. Impressed by that showing, we put another $360,000.00 into the account in October of that same year. The latest incentive that Friendly Freddy used for this pitch was that the company was planning to have a public offering or "IPO" by December 2002, and that our investment could "double, triple or quadruple!" The basic theme of the Richard F. Gatehouse book that I reviewed in "La Floridiana" was that of a computer wizard getting murdered prior to the I.P.O. of a scientific company that had back-engineered captured extra-terrestrial technology in his novel "Millennium Drive".

Danger Will (Moriaty) Robinson!
The first warning signs that all was not right with F.P.F.M., Inc. was as early as the spring of 2002 when our quarterly dividend checks were not coming in on time. By July 2002 they had started to not come in at all. Friendly Freddy sent a form letter to all of his F.P.F.M., Inc. clients stating, "F.P.F.M., Inc. was solid through and through, stem to stern, top to bottom, in and out and hither, thither and yon." Little did we know that this was the beginning of a catastrophic scam and fleecing that would lead to the total bankruptcy of our entire financial investment.

That Sound You Hear Is The Other Shoe Dropping!
Friendly Freddy said in his same July 2002 letter that he and his wife, Lula Mae, were moving from Pinellas County to Hernando County, and as a result could not "be contacted for several months". This made my relative a bit uneasy, but he maintained that he was not generally concerned, and that the I.P.O., now slated for February 2003, would go ahead as planned.

All of that confidence of looking forward to reaping big returns on our investment would come crashing down in a letter we received in, not surprisingly, mid-February 2003 where Freddy stated that for over a month he was concerned that F.P.F.M., Inc. was in big trouble, and that the company would not return his phone calls. He added to this letter a typewritten insert of a conversation he had with a F.P.F.M., Inc. representative who stated that he had no idea why the company went from ten distributors to three, then to one in only one month's time, and that the investors could lose all of their investments, although the company's principal, Hedley Lamar, was considering merging the stock into another enterprise of his called "F-Troop Medical Solutions and Solvents, Inc."

I was stunned - - I was heartsick! I then knew we had lost everything! I broke this news to my wife who appeared initially unconcerned - - "Don't worry," she said, "It's covered by a Performance Bond." I replied that the Bonding Company itself might not be able to cover the losses, and it become insolvent.

Moriaty, P.I.
I immediately jumped eyes wide open into F.P.F.M., Inc. I did a corporate search through the State of Florida's "Sun Biz" (http://www.sunbiz.org/corpweb/inquiry/cormenu.html) web site and found very disturbing facts about F.P.F.M., Inc. and its founder, Lamar ("That's Hedley!"). In just two years time, Lamar ("That's Hedley!") had four different business mailing addresses. The first company, that he ballyhooed in F.P.F.M., Inc.'s May 2000 Private Placement Memorandum (or "P.P.M.") called "Eat Healthy, Die Healthy Medical Marketing, Inc." lasted as a corporate entity for only four months. Add to this the fact that his remaining three corporate subsidiaries, "Medics on a Mission, LLC", "FeePhyFoeMeds Distributors, LLC" and "Healthkare Kronies in Kryme, LLC", all had no more than three Directors - - Lamar ("That's Hedley!"), his wife Lily Von Schtook Lamar, and his son, Lex Luthor Lamar. I was terrified! I then dug up the May 2000 PPM that Friendly Freddy never bothered to explain to us and became even more terrified and heartsick. On the cover was a disclaimer stating "THIS IS A HIGH-RISK INVESTMENT OF A HIGHLY SPECULATIVE NATURE. YOU COULD LOSE YOUR ENTIRE INVESTMENT---SEE PAGES NINE THROUGH SEVENTEEN"

Oh my God! Eight pages alone were dedicated to how the investment could fail-and we unknowingly signed on the dotted line of the subscription and bought into it lock, stock and barrel. And that's not all - - when I went to review the company's finances and benchmarks it: 1.. Stated that it had an operating deficit of 4.3 million dollars. 2.. That by 2003 it would have over forty distributors, along with a world class web site and even some high profile medical advisors on staff This would all be an illusion. There were no more than eight distributors, no web site could be found, and what few medical advisors were on staff all resigned.

What Happened?
Upon compiling all of this information, I e-mailed our relative about my disclosure. It was initially met without response. A month later Friendly Freddy sent another letter to all of the F.P.F.M., Inc. investors chastening ".some stoooopid moron for calling the Sate to conduct an investigation on F.P.F.M., Inc. Now it will be even harder for us to get our investment back." Freddy went on to say that his wife Lula Mae had invested her entire retirement savings of $400,000, as well as his son, "Freddy Jr." having invested $18,000 into the company and that he was "in trouble like all the rest of us" - - YEAH, RIGHT - - an investment adviser of over forty years has his own family stick over a quarter of a million dead presidents into what any securities attorney upon a two minute review would warn you to run like Hell from what appears to be, for all intents and purposes, an unregistered security being used as a Ponzi scheme.

Something was definitely not right here at all - - in addition, Friendly Freddy said that Lamar ("That's Hedley!") formed yet another company called "International Medickal Prophylactics, Inc." I immediately went on line to Sun Biz and guess what International Medickal Prophylactics, Inc. was a "Foreign Profit" corporation. Simply put, that means that Lamar ("That's Hedley!") could (and probably did0 transfer every dollar and cent from the investors into an overseas account that the U.S. Government can't freeze, and hence, redistribute to the investors. Even after all of this, Friendly Freddy failed to mention the Performance Bond that would "render the degree of risk of this security to the same amount of risk of getting eaten by a Great White Shark while sitting in your own easy chair at home and munching on Nacho Shards while watching reruns of Gilligan's Island." Lastly, the 18-month subscriptions were set to expire on April 30, 2003, which came and went without F.P.F.M., Inc. returning our monies.

Infidelity Forshurity, Ltd.
I finally pressed my relative to call Friendly Freddy and get us a copy of the Performance Bond after the redemption of our subscription defaulted. I would find out that this was the SECOND Surety company to handle the F.P.F.M., Inc. account. It is called Infidelity Forshurity Ltd. My wife went to its simpleton one page website where we read the following:

Based in the lovely tropical setting of the Awk-Awk-Eek-Eek-Tukee-Tukee archipelago of Upper Barfonia, I.F. Ltd. Is a multi-billion dollar Surety for the discriminating and cutting-edge entrepreneur. Send Inquiries to:
I.F. Ltd.
Upper Barfonia

Or our North American Representatives
Bob and Doug McKenzie
Great White North
Tel: 00-0000GWN

We dialed that number and got the following strange recorded non-response: (Presumably Bob and Doug together, singing the following)

"Coo Roo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo!
Coo Roo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo!"
(Bob?) "Hello aye!"
(Doug?) "Gooday!"
(Bob?) "And welcome to the Great White North , uh, securities hotline!"
(Doug?) "Since you, like, cared enough to call."
(Bob?) "...leave your message."
(Doug?) "...and a beer!"
(Bob?) "Take off!"
(Doug?) "Okay, like, just leave a beer and a tuke, aye?"
(Bob?) "Yeah, like, y'know, just leave a beer when you, like, hear the jingle!"
(Doug?) "Jingle?"
(Bob?) "Y'know, hoser, our jingle!"
(Doug?) "Take off!"
(Presumably Bob and Doug together, singing the following)
"Coo Roo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo!
Coo Roo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo!"

I left a detailed message and never received a reply.

Be here for the third and final chapter where "Moriaty P.I". uncovers more shenanigans about F.P.F.M., Inc., the State of Florida and Federal Bureau of investigation join in the fun and frivolity, Crazed Fanboy Productions suffers a severe setback as a result, and I ask the following big question: "Where do we go now?" " Where do we go now?" "Where do we go from here?" All in next week's "La Floridiana" in Nolan's Pop Culture Review.

"La Floridiana" is ©2003 by William Moriaty.  Webpage design and all graphics herein (except where otherwise noted) are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2003 by Nolan B. Canova.