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PCR #280. (Vol. 6, No. 31) This edition is for the week of August 1--7, 2005.
Mike's RantMike's Bust
Hello, gang! This week's news and notes are a few seconds away! Shall we begin?

"The Dukes of Hazzard"
 by Mike Smith
In Theaters Now: "Land of the Dead", "The Devil's Rejects"....Coming Soon
 by Drew Reiber
Get Current With Bored White Kids....Cluttered Desktop Begone!...Fall TV Sneak Preview
 by Vinnie Blesi
Northeast High School (NEHI) Class of 1985 Reunion....'90s-Bashing Part 1,006: "Whatever" Boxed CD Set....Newsflash!
 by Andy Lalino
"Sky High"
 by John Lewis
Raffy....27%....See This Movie Now!...Happy Birthday....Passing On....One Man's Trash....Jaws: The Story, Part 28
 by Mike Smith
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As most regular readers know, my favorite baseball team is the Baltimore Orioles. I was very proud this past March with Oriole first baseman Rafael Palmiero appeared before Congress and swore to them that he had never taken steroids. Imagine my shock this week when Palmiero was suspended for 10 games because of a positive drug test for, you guessed it, steroids. Though Palmiero has refused to name the substance he had in his system, anonymous sources say it was the same kind of steroid that Jose Canseco stated in his book he saw Palmiero take in the early 90's. Palmiero now states he never KNOWINGLY took steroids. I'd like to believe you, Raffy. You've provided me with many great memories. Sadly, the last one you may have given me is more like a nightmare!

The above figure is the amount of President Bush's' presidency that he has spent on vacation. We should all be happy. Theoretically, America could be 27% more fucked up if he kept his nose to the grindstone!

Those of you who feel you were tricked into seeing such Sony Pictures films as "The Patriot," "Hollow Man" and "Deuce Bigalow" will be happy to know that the film company has agreed to put up a couple million dollars to pay off a law suit brought against them for running bogus positive reviews of these films and others by non-existent critics. Those who pursue their claims will receive $5.00 for each ticket purchased. Hope you kept your ticket stubs!

Two more birthdays to celebrate this week:
My brother, Barry, turned 37 today, August 4. Happy Birthday, bro!
And a happy 3-0 to Matt's nephew, Daniel Gonzalez, who celebrated the big day on August 1.

Very sad to announce the passing of actor/writer/comedian Pat McCormick, who died last Friday after a long battle with the effects of a stroke. He was 78. McCormick was a popular comedian in the 1960s, and was a writer for such shows as "The Tonight Show," "Get Smart" and "The Danny Kaye Show." He would often appear in sketches on "The Tonight Show," and often dressed in costumes to play various species of wildlife. Once he even appeared as the shark from "Jaws." He is probably best remembered for teaming up with Paul Williams as Big and Little Enos Burdette in the "Smokey and the Bandit" films. He also appeared with Williams in the television movie, "Rooster," which Williams wrote. One of my favorite performances was in the film, "Under the Rainbow," which McCormick helped write. One scene called for the 6' 6" McCormick to emerge from an elevator surrounded by an excited group of little people portraying the "Wizard of Oz" Munchkins. "I have to run now," McCormick tells them. "Perhaps later, you may climb me!"

It's June 25, 1967. It's been a long day at Abbey Road Studios. You've had to sit and wait until the Beatles make their world wide television appearance, debuting their song, "All You Need Is Love." Now, the lights are down, the cameras are gone and it's just you, the night janitor, and your broom and trash can. After sweeping up in the studio you come across a piece of paper on a music stand. You take it off, intending to throw it away but instead of stuffing it in the trash can you stick it in your pocket and forget about it. When you get home, you empty your pockets and throw the folded up paper in a drawer. 38 years later you sell that piece of paper at auction for $1 million. Talk about good fortune. Good thing you didn't throw that paper, which turned out to be John Lennon's handwritten lyrics to "All You Need Is Love," away!

OK, time to get this chapter over with as quick as possible. With the moderate success of "Jaws 3 D," Universal went back to the already empty well one more time. Though Collin Wilcox told Roy Scheider that "shark don't take things personally" in "Jaws 2," the suits at the studio came up with the notion that a great white shark will not only seek revenge on the remaining members of the Brody family but that it would travel thousands of miles to do it. Luring Lorraine Gary out of retirement, the film company tried desperately to get Murray Hamilton to commit to an appearance. Sadly, Hamilton passed away before production began. The story: Sean Brody is now the police chief. One night he wanders to the docks, gets too close to the water and is eaten by a shark who has obviously been lurking in the water for years, waiting for Brody to get within jaws reach. Full of grief, Ellen Brody heads to the Bahamas to visit her son, Michael, and his family. Using either a great sense of direction or just following the GPS beacon emitting from Ellen Brody, the shark heads to the warm waters and white sandy beaches with her. After eating a few unsuspecting bathers and Mario Van Peebles (though if you see the film on home video Van Peebles' character lives) the shark lures Ellen out to sea for one last battle. With Ellen having flashbacks of scenes from the original "Jaws" that she wasn't even involved in, she steers her boat towards the shark. Letting out a series of roars (no, that's not a misprint. The fucking shark ROARS for God's sake!) As the two combatants get closer to each other, the shark apparently leaves the water and flies towards the boat, finally impaling itself on it. The End. While "Jaws the Revenge" found itself nominated for seven Golden Raspberry awards, including Worst Film, it only won the award for Worst Visual Effects. While on location, co-star Michael Caine found out that he had won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his work on "Hannah and Her Sisters." Caine, who appeared in no less then 22 films in the 1980s, has stated that he has never seen "Jaws the Revenge." In fact, when asked by a reporter, Caine replied, ""I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." The Internet Movie Data Base lists "Jaws the Revenge" as the 61st worst film of all time. A little generous if you ask me!"

Well, that's all for now. Have a great week. See ya!

"Mike's Rant" is ©2005 by Michael A. Smith. Webpage design and all graphics herein are creations of Nolan B. Canova. All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2005 by Nolan B. Canova.