PCR past banners Now in our fifth calendar year
PCR #226  (Vol. 5, No. 30)  This edition is for the week of July 19--25, 2004.

What’s In A Name? A Look at the Origin of Names of Florida’s Towns and Counties A to B
 by William Moriaty
"The Bourne Supremacy"
 by Mike Smith
Do The "I, Robot"!
 by Andy Lalino
The Divide returns this week with all new CD reviews!
 by Terence Nuzum
More Monsteriffic News....Bush Speak
 by Matt Drinnenberg
I'm Back....How About Just Calling Them Pussies?....Next In Line....What First Amendment?....Music Silenced....Meet The Beatles, Part 26
 by Mike Smith
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Andy Lalino
Oddservations by Andy Lalino

Do the "I, Robot"!

Hey-yo Crazed FANBOYZZZZ! Dis' here's JamMaster A cookin' at you frum the Oddservations crib in East Clearwater. Guess you heard 'bout my home boy Will Smiff bein' the Bad Boy butt-kickin' muther in sum guy named Issac Asimov's (whut kind uf mutherfuckin' name's zaat?!?) movie called "I, Robot"!

You all remember when Will Smiff did dat pumpin' tune from his old movie "Wile Wile West"? Well, boyz, you be da first to hear this funked up new tune the Fresh Prince did for his new moovie "I, Robot"! Let me tell you now, man, dis tune's da bomb. Sit back & listen, 'yo. It time to do da "I, Robot"!

Now way, way back in 1981,
We had Snake Plissken, man dat was fun!
Indiana Jones and Mad Max 2,
Now we got "I, Robot" - Boo, hoo, hoo!

Yo, back den we had real sci-fi heroes,
Nowadays, we got nuthin' but zeroes:
Will Smiff, da Rock, Vin Diesel too,
Dey all need a kick wiff a steel-tipped shoe!

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
C'mwon boyz!
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

When a movie like 'dis comz down da pike,
It makes me think about movies I like,
"Heavy Metal", "Westworld" too,
"Poltergeist" and "Elm Street 2".

Back 'den dey didn't need rap stars in their pitchers,
Dey got by on stories, hey - go figures,
In 'dis day and age lots of money on da line,
So ya need a celeb or da stars won't shine!

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
Do da:
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

Now Will Smiff's dis rapper with genes from Africa,
Da next thing ya know he's gonna play "Blacula"
If 'dat ever happens I'll give him a smackula,
'Cos if you dink you're William Marshall, man, you be on crackula!

Yo' Will, you 'aint no Duane Jones,
Ken Foree or Don Pedro Colley clones!
You be a rap star on kids' headphones,
Seein' you in dis movie elicits lots of groans!

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
C'mwon boyz!
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

You tried to be Bob Conrad, muthafucka, dat 'aint cool!
Da only ding you did was look like a fool.
Robert Conrad was so much braver and bolder,
I double dare ta knock dat Duracell off his shoulder!

Will Smiff's a big star, you catch my drift?
If I hear about his wife and kid again, I'll slit my wrists!
Do you think it'll open as BoxOff #1?
'Cos dat's de only ding dat matters to mainstream-lovin' bums!

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
C'mwon boyz!
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

Now in 'dis here movie dere's lots of funnies,
Seein' my boy Will fightin' 'bots dat look like Crash Test Dummies!
'Dere's tons of robots dat I can spy,
Dat look like dead-ringers from the 'bots in "A.I."

In dis movie Will's gonna pick up some ho's
While fightin' an army of C-3PO's
Why da hell's he's in dis movie, man, no one knows,
And I'm sure Mr. Asimov would dink dis blows.

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
C'mwon! C'mwon!
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

Now in 'dis movie it's the world Will saves,
While Issac Asimov's turnin' in his grave,
Now all true Fanboys gotta kick dis flick in da bum,
Or we're stuck with this shit for years to come!

Da real truth is it may be too late,
Sci-Fi's long gone and met its fate,
I mean, the genre seems like it's lost in a fog,
Guess that's why I no longer buy Starlog!

Now all true Fanboys listen what I say,
We can bring Sci-Fi back if on course we stay,
We gotta do dat anyway,
Or in dis mess we'll suffer and stay!

I, Robot!
I, Robot!
C'mwon boyz!
I, Robot!
I, Robot!

"Oddservations" is ©2004 by Andy Lalino.  The Oddservations banner is a creation of Andy Lalino. All other graphics (unless otherwise noted--I didn't create the dancing robot) are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2004 by Nolan B. Canova.