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Nolan's Pop Culture Review, 2003!
This week's
La Floridiana
Movie Review
Plastic People
Matt's Rail
Mike's Rant

The Linda Harrison Interview  New!

On the CF Homepage:
Florida Filmmaker Update

New Schlockarama! --
"Night of the Zombies"

  Number 159  (Vol. 4, No. 15). This edition is for the week of April 7--13, 2003.

Damn Saddam

Saddam is dead. No, wait...he's alive. No.....we think he's dead, but he may be alive. We've killed him every day since day one, he must be dead. Well, whether he's dead or alive, we're going into Baghdad and pretty much act like he's dead--which he may be, pending confirmation. He may be alive. Or maybe it's one of his look-alikes that we killed. Damn he's hard to get.

He was seen leading a parade just a few days ago. With shells exploding in the background and everything. But it may have been a body-double. Because he may actually be dead. But, wait, he keeps issuing those taunting videos, so he must be alive right? No those could be a body-double too, or they could've been recorded weeks ago and just broadcast timed-release style, see? So, even if he's dead, it looks like he's alive.

Finally we resorted to following one of his sons into a private bunker where they were holding a "leadership meeting". Figured Saddam was there--best intelligience said he had to be there. So we bombed the living shit out of this bunker with 4 2000-pound bombs yielding a crater 200 feet wide and 40 deep. No survivors. In fact, no bodies. Incinerated, right? Probably. Saddam has to be dead now. However, recent reports report he may still be alive.

Osama Bin Forgotten was possibly killed as collateral damage in the early weeks of the war. Since nobody cares anymore, we may not get confirmation of this till later. He is also still making post-mortem videos, but much more infrequently. Then again, he may still be alive.

In any event, we are winning the war. I just wish we could enjoy Saddam's humiliation up close and personal. If he's alive. If he's dead, I hope they dig up his carcass, stand him upright, stick a cigarette in his mouth, and take some snaps for kicks. Then, stick him in a jeep and play "Weekend at Saddam's", you know, where they wave his arm for him so his followers think he's alive? Haha, I slay me.

Say, did this wind up helping the economy at all? And we aren't going to have to go to war for oil again for a long time, right? OK, good, well I guess it was worth it then. And the Bush family finally has Saddam's head for their trophy room (if he's truly dead). Everybody's happy.

And now dear readers, forgive a super-late, barely post final-edition entry, from a former columnist who suddenly reappeared a few days ago. Ashley Lauren, 18, (formerly Ashley Lewis who, with her father, was with us in the summer of 2001) delivered this edition of "Hollywood" as I was putting this issue to bed, but just under the Friday morning closing. To keep it current, I'm running it this week instead of postponing it, but admonished her tardiness (spank spank). And now, Ashley Lauren's Hollywood...---Nolan
Ashley Lauren's Hollywood

First off, I would like to thank Nolan for giving me the opportunity to write on his web site. Thanks a lot Nolan. I won't let ya down.

Hmm, where to begin...ah yes, HOLLYWOOD!!! LaLa Land can be an exciting, turbulent, romantic, or even horrid place to some people. To the stars of Hollywood it is home. It has been this way since the early 1900's with stars like Mary Pickford, Fatty Arbuckle, Clara Bow and so many other great legends. Currently though, the tenants are boisterous and crazier than ever. You got Michael Jackson, who isn't sure what gender or color he is. You got Robert Downey Jr, who couldn't stay out of rehab long enough to finish the season of a show (Well, after the Ally McBeal episode you're obviously referring to, he's reportedly doing much better now and seems recovered.--Nolan). You got Robert Blake, a dried-up actor, [allegedly] shooting his wife in the middle of the street. Whew, the list goes on.

Who am I? Your Hollywood insider! How am I an insider? Well, if I told you than I would have to kill you. Just kidding, a little OJ humor for you.

I digress. Now the story at hand. As of April 10, 2003 the state of Hollywood is as follows:

Alias star, Jennifer Garner, reports that she and Husband Scott Foley, of the canceled show Felicity, are divorcing. A sad sad day indeed. In January he told US magazine that he "doesn't like watching his wife kissing other men, like Leo DiCaprio (for Catch Me If You Can)." Well, personally I didn't like watching her kiss him either, so my God how he must feel! The couple met back in 1998 on the set of Keri Russell show's Felicity and things took off from there. They married in 2000, and just a few short years later, BAM! No more Jenn and Scott. Moving on...

Reese Witherspoon, of Legally Blond, is reportedly pregnant with her 2nd child with husband actor Ryan Phillippe. Their daughter Ava is 3. Personally, I think Ryan is a nut ball and looks like a drug addict. Can't see him raising children, I don't know. Moving on...

Catherine Zeta-Jones has still not had her baby! My god, they were worried about her having it at the Oscars, that was weeks ago already. I knew this was all a PR stunt from the beginning! She's not really pregnant, just kidding, I am a big fan of hers and I wish and Michael the best. Next week look for an article solely on her, it will be interesting. Moving on....

Britney Spears. Moving on...

My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I did not see this movie when it first hit theaters. No, I waited 'til they had beat it into the ground and was forced to go. I had heard so much about this movie, "Its so funny!" " You have to see it!" "It's the best comedy ever made." So on and so on. I won't get into the plot I am sure everyone else has seen it too. Personally, I thought it was cute...but certainly not the funniest movie I have ever seen. $240 million dollars later I am still scratching my head on that one. Moving on...

I suppose that is it for now. Congrats to:
   Charisma Carpenter on the birth of her son Donovan, March 24.
   J.K Rowling on the birth of her son, March 23.
   And to Toni Braxton on the he birth of her son, Diezel. Whose brother's name is Denim (18 months).

For zombie-lovers or just cheesy film fans, Will Moriaty has contributed a new Schlockarama this week with Night of the Zombies, an Italian import that has at least one other alias, check it out. And Vinnie Blesi just blew this by me: a new project he's working on featuring a public domain radio thriller combined with his original musical soundtrack-- www.strangeagents.com/shadow/hallfantasy.mp3. (If it doesn't load and play, right-click and choose "Save Target As..", then play it offline. That worked for me.)

For Tampa residents or ex-residents, this just in: Cypress Gardens, the oldest theme park in Florida, is closing its doors after this weekend (Sun, 13th is the last day). Attendance dropped off sharply after 9/11 and consistently reduced admissions afterwards prompted the decision. Cypress Gardens has been around for nearly 70 years and was known for its water-skiing exhibitions. (A previous edition of PCR mistakenly recalled underwater "mermaid" shows at Cypress Gardens, but those were actually the province of Weekie Watchee.) Some of the most the most-prized collectible paper Floridiana are Cypress Gardens pamphlets from the '50s and '60s.

The Linda Harrison Interview by Michael Smith on behalf of the PCR and Crazed Fanboy has "mini-classic" written all over it. It's short, but very cool. Check it out!

La Floridiana
This week's issue
La Floridiana by William Moriaty
Rally for America" A Smashing Success........What On the Homefront Can I do to Support Our Troops? ........Don't Forget the Birds of Prey........Get Fuzzy........Favorite TV Shows Update........ Now the war with Iraq hits even closer to home.... ................Click here for more.

Matt's Rail
This week's issue
Matt's Rail by Matt Drinnenberg

  The Linda Harrison Interview

Movie Reviewmovie review
This Week's Movie Review:

"Phone Booth"  reviewed by Michael Smith

Mad Matt
This week's issue
Mad Matt's Plastic People by Matt Cerrato
For my first trick, I'd like to introduce you to an old friend-o-mine... "FRANKENSTEIN". This particular critter has always been one of my favorites...... ................Click here for more.

Mike's RantMike's Rant
This week's issue
DEAD OR ALIVE?........CONCERT NOTES........FROM THIS WEEK'S ISSUE........ MAJOR CONGRATULATIONS........YOU DIDN'T WIN, PLEASE DON'T SUE US........ ME AND FRED DURST ---- NOT!........WHICH WAY DID SHE GO?........ MOVIE NOTES........ ....................Click here for more.

Letters to the EditorWe welcome your feedback.
Thanks for the incredible research job you did on this week's "Schlockarama", specifically "Night of the Zombies". No wonder the similarities between it and previously reviewed "Alien Contamination" were so similar. Both were actually made the same year featuring the same music.

Incidentally, I think Donny Iris did the song "Leah" back in 1981.

Thanks again for the great research and editing!

Will [Moriaty]

   Will, my friend, it's part of the job, and I'm glad to do it. I don't feel "incredible", just being helpful, but I appreciate comments that any help I can offer has any impact at all! And you're welcome.
   I knew Donny Iris sang "Leah", but I thought your description of the "nerdy-looking guy who sings it" was funnier. LOL--anyway, fandom at large is now hipper for the experience. U da man.--Nolan

Well, everything looks GREAT!!! The whole site I mean...please tell Mike [Smith] THANK YOU for Linda! (Re: The Linda Harrison interview, this issue--N) She's always been my fave girl...Nova to be exact... I mean what more could you ask for...she looks great, she hardly wore anything, all she wants is love, and best of all...NOVA CAN'T TALK!!!

Ahhh...I feel better now!!!
Matt [Cerrato]

I think crazed fanboys everywhere are pretty much with you on that one Matthew!--Ha ha. We can always hope Ms. Harrison makes an appearance around Tampa someday.
Glad you like how the rest of the issue came out, too. ---Nolan

To send an email to Letters to the Editor write to: Crazedfanboy1@aol.com.  Any emails sent to this address will be assumed intended for publication unless you specifically instruct me not to. I can and do respond privately, if that is your preference. Frequently, it's both ways.---Nolan

"Mike's Rant" is ©2003 by Michael A. Smith    "Matt's Rail" is ©2003 by Matthew Drinnenberg    "La Floridiana" is ©2003 by William Moriaty    This week's movie review of "Phone Booth" is ©2003 by Michael A. Smith    "Mad Matt's Plastic People" is ©2003 by Matt Cerrato    "The Linda Harrison Interview" is ©2003 by Michael A. Smith    Add'l thanks to William Moriaty and Matt Cerrato for their input in "Letters"      All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2003 by Nolan B. Canova

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