Uh...OK.

Simpson continues to define a "Metro" as a straight man who enjoys fashionable clothes, hairstyles, moisturizers and manicures. Add in monthly hair cuts, well defined eye brows, bleach white teeth, exfoliated skin, weekly massages, polished and expensive shoes and the use of facial soaps and creams ("...they’d know better than to use bar soap." - got it.

Does anyone else feel like they’ve been sucked into a Neutrogena commercial?

Well guess what, homosexual debate is raging into a comic shop near you. Sure, Northstar has been out of the closet for years, but check out Wonder Woman. She’s had quite the controversial past: from the famous bondage issue Sensation Comics #42, to the Comic Code witch hunts accusing Wonder Woman was not feminine enough and didn’t portray the proper characteristics of a woman to her short haircut which is too lesbian.

I’m sure her creator, Dr. Marston, would be enjoying all this.

Now writer Greg Rucka will attack nearly every controversial topic: anti-war, the death penalty, rape and homosexuality. The topic of homophobia is intriguing from the point-of-view of an Amazonian.

"I find it personally very difficult to believe that she grows up in this culture (of all woman) and the idea of a romantic love between women is abhorrent or even culturally unacceptable. It just doesn’t make sense and it seems to be that it’s kind of cowardly to not have that be a factor..." - Rucka (Wizard #144)

She is big, tough, tolerant and primed to kick ass.

More on "Metros" search google or go to: http://search.salon.com/cgi-bin/htsearch

ONE SHOTS

In PCR #177's Splash Page it was "all fun and games until someone loses an eye"....well, how about a foot or a head? Hawley Webb’s artificial leg flew off while riding the Dueling Dragon’s at Universal Studio’s Island of Adventure. The limb was specially designed with Hawley’s favorite team logo - the Miami Dolphins and cost $13,500! The ponds have been drained as the massive search for the leg has resulted in nothing, so Universal has paid for a replacement leg. Does anyone else feel an urban legend forming here?

At the Island County Fair in Washington, Virginia a man got caught and dragged while lubricating the track on the "Super Loops." His clothes and hair were tangled in the ride after his arm got caught up in the car of the active side of the ride. He was scalped and then landed on a nearby fence.

I know this isn’t funny, but can you imagine the horror and trauma of standing there in line and witnessing these incidents. No wonder I hate the fair - except for the food.

More tragic carnival accidents next week...

Harley Davidson turns 100! They haven’t laid off workers in nearly fifteen years and crank out bikes that require a minimum of a year to acquire. My father has two and even the most prudish person will admit that the Harley is awesome.

Sometimes it’s scary when the rags agree with you: Entertainment Weekly mentions their renewed appreciation for Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer”, especially after the Atari’s re-make. Blender finally calls out Alien Ant Farm as the shitty band it is - they give one-hit wonder bands a bad name. Blender goes on to rave about the Smashmouth album, what a fun band, especially when you have kids.

Ticketmaster screws us again! The follow-up to “ticketFast” is the open auction of the best seats for performances. Corporate purchasing has already eliminated most fans from premium seats at sporting events, so it was only a matter of time until concerts were impacted as well. So expect huge empty sections on the floor and a lackluster audience enthusiasm from the front row. That is, unless you have a rich parent or max out that credit card.

ABC bite me! Proof that my life is a sitcom: I didn’t even know about ABC’s contest to find a regular family to feature as a new sitcom. Well, here’s further evidence that the life in corporate America, juggling a creative ambition of writing/filmmaking and dealing with five children is far more entertaining than anything on TV: Jacob, my older son, pleads with his Mother to pull his loose tooth. Of course his reasoning is pulling a financial one, hence, the existence of the “Tooth Fairy.” With pliers in hand, my wife extracts the tooth after much deliberation.

Unfortunately, the “Tooth Fairy” fell asleep after “Nip/Tuck” (can you blame him) and the tooth remained undisturbed until 6 a.m. when my son woke me. Near tears he reveals that the tooth is still here - the “Tooth Fairy” did not come. I tell him to talk to his Mother and I race through a plethora of ideas and miraculously the money and a note is inside the bathroom drawer with his toothpaste and brush. It reads:

Jacob,
I’ll be back tonight for your tooth. Please DON’T try to stay up. I caught you trying to sneak a peak last night. Thanks for being so brave having your tooth pulled.
T.F.
“The Tooth Fairy”