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PCR #376  (Vol. 8, No. 23) This edition is for the week of June 4--10, 2007.

J. Lamar McMichael -- Forgiven  by William Moriaty
"Knocked Up"  by Mike Smith
Gals & Gays -- How They've Betrayed Cult Cinema  by Andy Lalino
Why Am I Smiling?...This And That....Return of The Big Macca....Big Week In TV....Whatever happened To -- ? Chapter 21: J. T. Walsh  by Mike Smith
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Oddservations by Andy Lalino

Gals & Gays - How They've Betrayed Cult Cinema

Preface: This column was inspired by an article I read in the St. Petersburg Times in Saturday's (June 2nd) edition. It featured a story about pop princess 'Fergie' who blew her way into town for a really big shoo. Earlier that day, 'Fergie' was to excrete a free performance (3 songs) at a cell phone shop (!). But, what really got me was the color photograph that accompanied the article. It showed a group in queue (who were soaked - it rained like hell that day) for the cell phone show. There was one striking feature about the photo...most all those lined up to see 'Fergie' were...


Or, girls if you will.

It hit me like a dropped anvil - and cemented all the suspicions I had about the weaker sex for the past twenty years. You can learn a lot from a photo, and here's what I took away:

  • Women are much more likely to be conformists.
  • Musically, modern women have bad taste.
  • Modern women are taken in by celebrity status rather than the integrity of the music.
  • Some women want to foster their 10-year-olds to be pop princesses, like 'Fergie', rather than a performer much more admirable, say like Chrissie Hynde.
  • Women somehow have the motivation to find the time to stand hours in the rain to see someone like 'Fergie'.

    Now, I want to make clear that this oddservation of modern female behavior does not apply to ALL women, for I do know some very cool chicks with great taste in movies, music, and the arts (a rarity indeed). But, please give me this opportunity to say to those she-rebels that your mainstream female brethren have ripped to pieces all the strides you have made in achieving any semblance of cool. Sadly, I must state that your image, from the perspective of a male cult movie fan firmly rooted in the '70s, has been tarnished to a point of catastrophic disrepair.

    While pondering the state of women in entertainment, it got me thinking about what creative gay America has done for the cult cause. My conclusion had godspeed: "Not much".

    I thus end this preface, and state my case.

    A very long time ago, there existed a time when "gay" Americans could be counted on as an ally of fans and filmmakers interested in fantastic and avante-garde cinema. Allow me to take you back to the mid 1950's when innovative auteurs such as Kenneth Anger made profound and provocative statements utilizing film as a medium with such striking classics as "Scorpio Rising" and "Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome". John Waters followed, prestidigitating using a more comedic and outrageous method, but point in fact is that these filmmakers managed to entertain and enlighten through art rather than fluff, seldom in an overtly-preachy fashion. It was a time when we - fans, gays, weirdos, whatever - were all outcasts, comfortable in the shadows as we attended drive-ins, midnight movies, and grindhouses with giddy anticip-ation.

    Well, sadly we're forced to fast-forward to 2007 and let me tell you what I-Spy here from the Oddservations Oddservatory. The majority of creative activity challenging through gay America seems relegated to...the boob tube.

    There's truly no escape from the glut of mainstream "shows" featuring flamboyant fashionistas, irksome interior innovators, haughty high-style haranguers, and crembrulee preparers. It's glaringly obvious that the gay contingent is much more comfortable transforming bedrooms of style-challenged bachelors than creating significant works in cult cinema. Standing there with tossled hair, a 5 o' clock shadow, an unbuttoned Ralph Lauren shirt, these geniuses must truly feel their time's better spent placing doilies on coffee tables than continuing the legacies of Waters and Anger, who must be furious at the state of cult cinema in this era of Megaplexes and moronic moviegoers.

    And now, on to the gals.

    Like gay America, there's a rash of females completely obsessed with gossip, home improvement, high style, dream weddings and cappuccino sipping, who seemingly care less about the underworlds of cult movie/sci-fi/horror/fantasy fandom. As long as they get their fix on what the latest is with Paris, Brittney, Jared Leto, or Lindsey, they're wallowing in pig mud. This bevy of bridezillas never met a made-for-TV movie they didn't like, and worship a Christ-like figure in the form of Nancy McKeon in that church known as Lifetime for Women. To put it in plain and simple terms courtesy of Donny & Marie, gals, you're a little bit "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger" and I'm a little bit "Make Them Die Slowly".

    Once again, the boob tube feeds the need. Insecure and vapid to a fault, these mod gal pals are compelled to tune in for the latest in style requirements and manic gossip mongering as to impress members of their girlie goon squad - all at hubby's expense, as they shake their money maker to ensure their trophy daughter gits that boob job at age 18, as not to lose out on some potential richie-rich uberhunk and lose out on life's fortunes. After all, they're owed that.

    Well, I've got a few fantasies for those cultist ex-patriots who place more 'portance in makeovers than "Maniac" and plastic surgery programs over "Plague of the Zombies": May the Starbuck lattes you solemnly sip send you soiling your skivvies 'sulting from soured sow milk. May the crisply klean café you carelessly carouse be careened by careless klunkheads in cavernous cars. May the rambunctious, rollicking reality shows you regularly relish result in rancid, runny rectal regurgitation.

    If this is the type of programming you insist on creating and viewing, heed my warning: don't come around and show your face around cult movie watchers. If you're not going to be part of the solution and continue to feed the mainstream, then we don't like you, we don't want you and don't need you. Take a hike and dial in the big O as you plop down on your ever-present sofa, and take a cue from the last remaining cool chicks that likely had their heyday in the '70s and early '80s, and have hopefully not since soured.

    My, you truly are a bunch of Fugly Betties, and your future looks very, very Rosie.

    Good day, and good riddance.

    "Oddservations" is ©2007 by Andy Lalino.  The Oddservations banner is a creation of Andy Lalino. All other graphics, except where otherwise noted, are creations of Nolan B. Canova.  All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2007 by Nolan B. Canova.