Interview with Frank Granda Jr. of Unique Video  by Andy Lalino
MOVIE REVIEW "Transformers"  by Mike Smith
ODDSERVATIONS Crazed Conspiracies....Hot July New Wave Concerts  by Andy Lalino
MIKE'S RANT I Love Rock and Roll .... Oh Lucky Day .... Scooter .... Reunited .... Whatever Happened To -- ? Chapter 24: Roy Scheider  by Mike Smith
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Crazed Conspiracies

For the past few months or so, Crazed Fanboy's been plagued with a multitude of perceived conspiracies and cover-ups, some of which I'm sure will prove to be innocent mistakes or foot-in-mouth disease. Most of these incidents involve CF "boardies" and columnists.

But what happens when a royal conspiracy is centered on the Big Guy himself?

Yes, it's true; it seems that our fearless leader is mired in a shocking scandal involving a major cover-up. Allow me to tell my story.

A few weeks back, I was having a conversation with Nolan while at work. We discussed fanboy-related topics: cult film, Marcus Koch's new blockbuster "100 Tears", the new Comics & Critters Too comic book shop, etc. Toward the end of our discussion, Nolan casually mentioned he had seen the animated motion pixel 'Schmuck the Turd'. Now, I'm not too proud to admit to you, gentle reader, that I was taken aback by this admission. Though I did not express it to Nolan, my emotions were nothing short of shock, disappointment, betrayal, grief, and hopelessness.

At the end of our chat, I wished him well and we each hung up our phones. I then searched my feelings and tried to make sense of the decision he made to see "Schmuck the Turd". I mean I felt like a moth in a jar - endlessly fluttering around in chaotic circles; I didn't know what to do...what to say...what to think.

I guess the first thing that struck me was: why didn't Nolan ask my permission if he could see 'Schmuck the Turd'? I mean; we're friends, and he knows my feelings about animated kiddie films with really bad jokes. Yet, he has made the choice to see it without asking me first. How could he be so thoughtless? While he was watching the joking jackass did he ever one think about how I felt?!? He KNEW I would not approve of him seeing it! He knows I've spent countless hours espousing the dangers of such films, how they're Xbox cinema and not worthy of the attention of true Crazed Fanboys, of which I thought Nolan was one (after all, he coined the term).

Minutes later I took a sip of water and tried to calm down. I was drenched and shivering in a cold sweat. I said to myself, "Oh, Nolan must have an 8-year-old nephew or something...that's why he went to see 'Schmuck the Turd'". Nice of him to appease the kid...yeah. But then I realized that to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have an 8-year-old nephew (well, maybe except for Terence). I went back into panic mode.

Time passed, and my obsession with Nolan's screening of 'Schmuck the Turd' thrust me deeper into personal hell, and I quickly became a fidgety paranoiac. I've been reading Crazed Fanboy for weeks, and not once has Nolan Canova publicly admitted that he saw 'Schmuck the Turd'! I scoured the editorials, the columns, the message board postings - nothing. This begs the question: Why? Why has Nolan not come out and said "World, I've seen Schmuck the Turd!" What's he covering up? What's so secret?

Fear. Yes. That's it. Fear. I know my controversial views about modern "cinema", especially animated motion pixels, have sent many Crazed Fanboys running away in fright, huddling and shivering in a dark corner as not to be admonished by me for viewing such tripe. But that theorem didn't make sense...if Nolan was indeed running scared of me, why would he admit on the phone, TO ME, that he had seen 'Schmuck the Turd'? Was he hoping for a "soft letdown". Very possibly. And he may have been right; as I analyzed my initial reaction to his revelation of seeing 'Schmuck the Turd' I did indeed treat it with marshmallow ambivalence.

Well played, Mr. Canova. I fell neatly into your little trap.

The thing is I need to see is the ticket. The ticket. How, Mr. Canova, do I know you really did see 'Schmuck the Turd' and you're not just pulling some stunt to drive me loony tunes? Did BranJo put you up to this?!? The ticket. That's it. Britton Cinemas I suppose? Did you see 'Schmuck the Turd' with anyone else?!? Or, did you betray me, Mr. Benedict Arnold, by seeing it all by your lonesome?!?

The ticket...

Yeah, that's it.

Does he still have it?

It'll prove all.

The ticket'll prove everything.

The ticket.

The ticket.

The ticket.

NOLAN CANOVA...SHOW ME YOUR STUB!!!

Sorry Andy, no stub. I used to work for Britton Cinemas ages ago and still know some people there. I walked in off the street and caught "Shrek the Third" pro bono. It wasn't meant to drive you any crazier than you already are! ---Best, Nolan

Hot July New Wave Concerts
After many months of drought-like conditions, I can finally announce a roster of some great July concert shows for us New Wavers. This month is especially good. And for all those who think I'm some kind of racist homophobe, please note I placed the word "gay" next to the concerts I'll be attending to let people know the artist I am indeed seeing is a homosexual.