Now in our eighth calendar year!
PCR #403 (Vol. 8, No. 50) This edition is for the week of December 10--16, 2007.
I'm Your Man, Unique Video Fan Club Card, Viva Knievel, "Canova"
I'm Your Man
Often it's a depressing experience logging onto Nolan's native Message Boards only to find an endless feed of drivel coming from self-proclaimed "Crazed Fanboys" in relation to preferred genre experiences. Cases in point: There is one thread about the new multi-gajillion dollar schlock 'film' 'the golden compass'(!). Should you dare look further you'll see a thread called 'harry potter mania'! And, of course Pixxar's 'wall-e'! Now, I'm not entirely sure what these posters' backgrounds are or their specific age, but I'm pretty certain they've achieved puberty (well, in some cases anyway...), and if that's the case, why do they invite serious discussion about juvenile, multi-gajillion dollar Hollyweird pixel extravaganzas?
The truth is, the answer is suspiciously elusive, and as a Cult Movie fan I have to sit back and wonder why are there those among us that actually encourage the making of these cine-abominations? The goal here, guys, is to make MORE low-budget Cult Movies and get back to the tenets of the divinic 1970's, not propagate and support these extravaganzas. Forshame.
In the spirit of reaching out to those Crazed Fanboys still left in the dark about which fandom selections they should partake in, I'm offering my wizened guidance services to help steer them toward fandom I feel is much more worth their time, say, more than tapdancing penguins, the sojourn of a wisecracking clownfish, or a blubbering robotoid lost on Marz.
Now, you may be saying to yourself: "who's this guy to tell other Crazed Fanboys what not to like?". Well, to that I say that I've provided a brief personal Fanboy timeline for your perusal. I'm submitting for the record that I'm a well-rounded Crazed Fanboy who places an important significance of what I don't watch as opposed to what I do.
1972-1977: Collected Marvel comic books
1973: Original viewer of Dr. Paul Bearer's Creature Feature
1975 (maybe earlier): Purchased my first issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine
1972-1979: Huge fan of '70s movies, both theatrical and made-for-TV
1977: Original viewer of Star Wars
1977-1981: Collector of Star Wars memorabilia
1977: Attended my first Science-Fiction convention in Largo, FL.
1978: Played Dungeons & Dragons for the first time
1979: Purchased my first issue of Fangoria magazine
1982: Got our first VCR. Joined several tape rental clubs. Stopped watching network TV altogether in favor of Cult Movies on VHS. First saw John Carpenter's The Thing at the movies.
1983: Discovered New Wave
1986: Oddserved that in the following years, horror/sci-fi/fantasy/New Wave were "dying" forms of entertainment, and made the conscious decision to remain unshakably loyal to the movies/books/TV shows/bands that I felt moved art and pop culture forward and deserved to be revered.
So, as you can see, I'm a well-rounded Crazed Fanboy who is one of the few individuals who had remained loyal to aspects of the genre pre-dating 1987 (the beginning of the end), and that makes me an authority to help those X-Offenders severely in need of guidance.
Oh, Crazed Fanboys forever lost...
I'm Your Man.
Now, some of you may wonder just what the hell I'm writing about, so I've prepared some examples below as to how I can Be Your Man and offer the Mandatory Guidance you surely will require:
1. X-Offender Subject 1: NOLAN CANOVA, creator of Crazed Fanboy
Ranking/Status: Supra-Crazed Fanboy of godlike status (despite numerous violations, see below)
Bragging Rights: Venerable Fandom Veteran, online/paper fanzine creator, original Lost in Space watcher, attended Famous Monsters convention, saw Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (in 3D) at the theater upon initial release, Terminus/Creature Feature superfan and others too numerous to mention.
Offenses: Oddserved wearing a 'homer simpson' T-shirt, confessed to seeing 'simpsons - the movie' (without seeking my council first), claims to have been a regular 'ally mcbeal' watcher!
My sage advice to Nolan:
Case 1: 'homer simpson' T-shirt incident - At Hooters, where Nolan made the mistake of wearing the 'homer' T-shirt, I would have pulled him aside and asked that he purchase a Hooters T-shirt to replace it with. I would have then escorted him to the restroom and demanded that he remove the 'homer' shirt, and spend the rest of the stay in a Hooters shirt.
Case 2: 'the simpsons movie'. This was a real bone of contention with me. At least a week before the film's release, I practically begged Nolan to please call me before even mentally entertaining the notion of seeing this 'film'. Yet, despite my position, he did it behind my back. It was a simple request: "Please, call me first, Nolan", which went totally unheeded! I mean, Nole, you know how I feel about 1989. Son, that year's not worth a damn! Should Nolan have called me first, I would have calmly and patiently taken whatever time required to remind Nolan that it's not worth getting excited about any tenet of 'pop culture' beyond 1986, and that includes 'the simpsunz'. Had I any idea that he would not call, I would have tried to physically stop him en route to the theater, perhaps even having to manhandle him to a point that he be wrestled to the ground and headlocked. I realize this sounds like the actions of a police state, but if it's the cause of saving a Crazed Fanboy from his own internal demons, it's well worth it.
Case 3: On the telephone, Nolan has somewhat atoned for his cardinal sin of being a one-time 'ally mcbeal' watcher, and so far I'm satisfied that he found it to be a highly embarrassing admission and would not repeat such actions. Case closed, but never forgotten.
2. X-Offender Subject 2: DREW "Cyber" RYBER, resident potty-mouthed lister of really bad CGI cine-abominations. CyberRyber is a glowing example of the "one step forward, three steps back" principle - evidently common in the fanboy arena. Sure, CyberRyber has an encyclopedic knowledge of Cult Cinema, but the big question is why would this young man use his powers for evil and not good? I mean, he's infamous for compiling and updating lists of movies-yet-to-be on the Crazed Fanboy message boards, but Drew...what Cult Movie fan cares what the next Pixxar extravaganza is??? The goal here is to pummel that studio into the ground, not exalt it! If these pixel wizards at Pixxar really want to get serious, why don't they do a CGI version of I Spit on Your Grave?
Ranking/Status: Eunich.
Bragging Rights: See above.
Violations: Supports Pixxar far too often, likes DC, posts about 'wall-e'.
My Council Advice:
Drew, there is much potential in you. You have a mind like a Tarpon Springs sponge, and the willingness to let others know about how much you know. I implore you to become a kind of "anti-BranJo" by never again posting a thread about that lovable, cute-sy robotoid 'wall-e'. And, if I catch you in line for 'the golden compass' or a re-release of Mary Poppins, there's going to be troubled times in the theater lines.
3. X-Offender Subject 3: TERENCE 'TEZ' NUZUM, the Andrew Ridgely of Crazed Fanboy and resident downer. Like CyberRyber, Tez maintains a good, enthusiastic pulse beat on Cult Movies in general (he never met a Casanegra release he didn't like...)
Ranking/Status: Somewhere between Sly Fox & Jermaine Stewart
Bragging Rights: Likes The Cult, wears an admittedly cool Big G T-shirt.
Offenses: Despite his in-depth contemplations and perspectives in his column "Audio Philes", ironically it's music that Tez needs gobs of help with. Not that he's necessarily as lost as those of the Brittney Spears/Lindsay Lohan generation, but until the day he comes up screaming at me with Men Without Hats 45rpm of "Antarctica" waving in his hand, Tez; you just simply don't get it. I invite fellow MWH fan Marcus Koch to council you along with me, Tez. We're Your Men.
My Council Advice: Tez, there's a whole world of '80s Europop out there beyond Dinosaur Jr. and Wolfmother. Never once did I receive an explanation of where you were during this year's Stan Ridgway concert at Jannus Landing. Were I you, I'd make a bee-line for Sound Exchange and special order Real Life's "Heartland", MWH's "Rythym of Youth", and Re-Flex's "The Politics of Dancing" pronto. And then we'll have a vinyl/CD bonfire where you can finally wave goodbye to the collection of future coasters you've been collecting during your listening years. You'll make Billy Duffy proud.
4. X-Offender Subject 4: BRANDON 'BranJo' JONES, a fellow who needs no intro.
Ranking Status: King Dink
Bragging Rights: Supposedly listened to The Dead Milkmen/Kennedys back in the day (I'd like proof of that), still likes U2 (tho disses their latter work), a pseudo-Republican.
Violations: Too numerous to mention.
Diagnosis: A Suitable Case for Treatment.
Well, there you have it. This column is called "Oddservations" for good reason.
Four notorious Crazed Fanboy violators.
Nole, Tez, CyberRyber, BranJo,
Whenever you have the fanboy blues...when the ol' Hollywood spectacle comes a callin'... when the pixel wizards' siren song is too wondrous to resist...
...you know just where to turn.
I'm your man.
Unique Video/Crazed Fanboy Fan Club Card
Congratlations to Frank Granda Jr. (owner/operator of Tampa's Unique Video store) and Nolan Canova for offering the exclusive UNIQUE VIDEO/CRAZED FANBOY Fan Club Card. This unique card is available ONLY on Crazed Fanboy, and affords fans of the site a special rental deal for all DVD's and VHS tapes: All movies rented when using the card can be kept for a full week at no extra charge. This is a special deal created especially for the fans who desired a longer rental period.
So, go and patronize Unique Video and check out all the incredible horror, cult, art, etc. films they have to offer, and be sure to print out and present the Fan Club Card when you choose your rentals! Tell your friends, too!
The Unique Video/Crazed Fanboy Fan Club Card can be found here.
Viva Knievel
One of the great heroes and biggest deals of the '70s was everyone's favorite stuntman Evel Knievel. Very sad to hear about the passing of a man who defied death countless times. I recall my brother Doug being a big fan of Evel's in the mid-'70s. We used to have all the cool Evel Knievel toys (thanks, Ed, for your retrospective in Retrorama), some of which were tantalizingly advertised in '70s Marvel comic books.
I actually had an encounter with Evel Knievel back about ten years ago. When I worked for Home Shopping (as a Graphic Designer, not an operator!) I was with a friend of mine (a video editor) having dinner at a Japanese restaurant off Ulmerton Road at the Icot Center. As we wrapped up dinner, my friend turned to me and said: "If you look behind you, I think that's Evel Knievel". At the time, I heard that he lived in Clearwater, but did not expect to ever be in the same room with him!
Sure enough, when I turned around, it was him. I recall he was dining with a statuesque young woman. When they finished their dinner, Evel got up - very slowly, as if every bone in his body was aching. He then walked past our table and my friend stopped him and shook his hand, as did I. Very cool that I got to meet the legend. But, I can tell you that even back then he was obviously in very severe pain.
As we exited the restaurant, I noticed a very rare - and expensive - car in the parking lot - a dark-colored Aston Martin Lagonda - a car I'd admired when I first saw an ad for it in Auto Trader magazine (when I worked there in the late 1980's). Sure enough, the license plate indicated that it was indeed Evel Knievel's. In a side note - I had seen that car on the streets of Clearwater a previous time.
Well, hope you enjoyed my personal encounter with Evel Knievel - he will be missed.
CANOVA by John Miller
I just wanted to express how excited I am about John Miller's new online graphic novel "Canova"!!! Any comic that portrays Nolan Canova as a cigar-chomping Snake Plissken anti-hero in a post-apocalyptic Tampa Bay is just alright with me!!! Hey, Nole - great eyepatch! "Call me Nole".
John M. - great stuff - can't wait for the debut!!!
"Oddservations" is ©2007 by Andy Lalino. The Oddservations banner is a creation of Andy Lalino. All other graphics, except where otherwise noted, are creations of Nolan B. Canova. All contents of Nolan's Pop Culture Review are ©2007 by Nolan B. Canova.