Sex in Japan: How To Have A Truly Merry Christmas
Shortly after arriving at Kansai Gaidai, the language school I attended to learn
Japanese, I wanted to explore the local area. So I took a bus to downtown Hirakata
to see the sights. Near the train station, I saw a brightly colored mural that would
suggest to any American a place for kids. Reds, oranges, and yellows, all colors
that remind me of childhood and jungle gyms and places to have fun. I approached the
mural and to me the picture was of a Popsicle being licked by an anime girl with big
eyes and a long tongue with saliva dripping from it. I thought it was an ice cream
place for kids. As soon as I touched the doorknob, a yakuza (Japanese mafia) member
stood in front of me wearing a white suit and a Hawaiian shirt, blocking my entrance
to the door. I panicked and pretended I was looking for a bookstore or library. An
office lady passed by and laughed at me, her papers went flying in all directions. I
wanted to help her but this situation was too embarrassing because I realized what
the happy picture represented. The store was a Blow Job shop that generally employed
Filipinos and other South East Asians to help out Japan’s sex trade. I managed to
walk calmly away without any further confrontation with the mob.
A few weeks went by, and my friend and I decided to explore the seedier
sections of Osaka. We got on a train and headed to Shinsaibashi, the
entertainment district of Osaka. When we got there, I saw the bridge
that one of my Japanese teachers had told me about the Shinsaibashi
Bridge was the pick up bridge. Japanese women would cross the bridge to
get to shopping and restaurants area while young Japanese men in stylish
suits would jump up and get in their way to try to pick them up.
Sometimes the men were paid money because they were recruiting for the
porn industry and always on the look out for fresh new talent.
Anyway, we both crossed the bridge and strolled down the main drag
filled with massage parlors (really brothels), men and women passing out
coupons books that offered discounts on blow jobs, fetish cosplay sex,
and anal. I tried to go into one and was turned away by the doorman. I
saw a black man walking around and asked him why I couldn’t get it. He
said that they don’t allow gaijin inside. After he said that, I went
looking at some of the brothels and noticed the "no gaijin allowed" signs
in English. Once I’m determined to try something, I don’t give up
easily, and eventually I found a hand job shop that accepted foreigners.
I walked inside to a pitch-black room. A woman came up behind me and
asked what drink I wanted. I ordered a gin and tonic. Then we talked. I
gave her my credit card, not sure if my card was still good. She came
back and said that my card was no good. I missed one too many payments.
Then I heard a scary male voice very low ask me how I was going to pay
for this. Another yakuza encounter. I panicked and gave him the 2000 yen
I had and told him that was all the cash I had on me. He let me go and I
walked out again. I was done with massage parlors after that attempt.
Maybe it would have worked out if I had a valid credit card but I was
tired of dealing with the local mob at all these places. The gangsters
were nice to me but I had this feeling they could turn on you for any
reason.
It is not that hard to find a willing partner in Osaka. All you have to
do is know where to go and what time to be there. You don’t have to
investigate the red light districts to find sex. The Japanese have a
place set up for every activity. If you want a girlfriend it is very
simple. You go the Umeda, the shopping district, on a Friday or weekend
night around seven, and in front of Hep Five Department store is a metal
pole that is shaped like a big circle. The pole is big enough to sit
comfortably on. All you have to do is find a single woman sitting along
and sit down beside her and start talking. It is understood that is why
the woman is by herself and what she is looking for. If you see two
women together, bring a friend and it will still work. If you see a mix
of men and women, leave that alone and look for the single girls. My
friend, who had the worst Japanese language skills I have every heard,
randomly sat down next to a pretty girl and just started talking and
wouldn’t shut up. He went home with her that night after a 15-minute
conversation and ended up banging a nurse.
If you are not much of a conversationalist, there are other avenues.
The 7-Eleven in Japan was great because all the porn magazines were out in
front with no plastic. I remember being glad to see no plastic and the
fact that you didn’t have to ask the cashier for the adult magazines.
It was all out in the open for everyone. If you are too shy to view porn
in public then all you have to do is go find an alley and you can
usually find, in every neighborhood, a vending machine with adult
magazines and porn DVDs. I have seen young, shy, Junior High aged
Japanese males go for the secret and discreet vending machine method.
You are probably wondering what all this has to do with Christmas. Well,
in Japan, Christmas is the big romantic day for couples. It is looked
down on if you are home alone and not having sex on Christmas Eve. Young
women dress in sexy, reveling Santa outfits with mini-skirts and stand
outside clothing stores and encourage other young women to get into the
holiday spirit for their significant other by buying a sexy Santa
outfit. In fact, you see young girls everyone wearing sexy Santa
outfits with big shoes on. When you are walking behind one, you can see
a lot of cheek on some of these costumes. If you happen to be on an
escalator and position yourself just right you can catch a money shot.
The big thing to do on Christmas is to visit a Love Hotel. These are
hotels set up for the purpose of sex. They have many different themed
rooms including a Hello Kitty S & M room and what better what to get
sexually stimulated then to visit the naughty Mickey Mouse and Minnie
rooms. Each room comes equipped with tissues, plenty of condoms, a
small vibrator (the same model used in all the porn movies,), lotions,
anal creams, and yes, whips and chains for the more adventurous thrill
seekers. The TV plays porn all the time. Some rooms have mirrors on the
ceiling for that retro 70’s feel. Some have hot tubs. The rooms also
have vibrating beds and you can usually find whatever sex toy you want.
If you are shy about spending time in a Love Hotel, that’s no problem
too because the cashier is blocked off from seeing you. All you see is
a pair of hands take your yen and give you a key. My only concern was
how did I know I wasn’t the guy in the porn movie playing three rooms
away? I guess I will never know and if there were hidden cameras the
footage might show up on Slutload one day. But I’m not famous so no
worries there.
Another thing to do on Christmas is visit a Kentucky Fried Chicken
because the Japanese have been taught to believe that all Americans eat
fried chicken on Christmas Day. In Japan, apart from couples and sex,
Christmas is not really a big deal and the major family holiday is New
Year's. I have a lot more to say on New Year's and sex in future columns.
This should wet your appetite until next time.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from The Asian Aperture.
|